I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
