We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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