Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
