she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
