Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
