He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
