Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
