I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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