i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
