Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
