apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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