Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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