Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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