lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
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we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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