so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
