Duck Duck Cougar?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
