so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
