i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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