HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
