I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
