I want to make a zoo with you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
