Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
