Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
