it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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