If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
