And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
