capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
just found out that she named her cat after me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
