I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
