Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
