I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
