Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
