Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
