It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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