I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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