i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
