I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
bring money and cleavage
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
