She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hate all girls vehemently.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
