I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
