We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
