I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
