weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
