oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think my vagina is haunted
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
