Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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