In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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