i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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