Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
