you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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