Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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