I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
