Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
