idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
