okay pat passed out under dana's car
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
