Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
