Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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