Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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