I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
