there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
