she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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