Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
