Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
