O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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