I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
