Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
