the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
