i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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