I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
