i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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