I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I look better un-naked...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
