I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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