I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
