both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
