You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
