I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
