Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
