well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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