I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
