The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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