GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
