One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
