My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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