I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
