I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
