Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
