youre lurking in front of me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
