either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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