I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
