i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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