apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
